By Souls of Silver
Some of us are born with a tendency of pleasing people. While it sounds all right and almost like kindness, people-pleasing is not the best route to go when we move forward in life. People-pleasers tend to sacrifice their own pleasure and surrender to others. You might even want to smile and not speak up if someone is deliberately harassing you. That is wrong and you know it. People-pleasers should learn to say NO and build boundaries around them. But it can be difficult for them, especially if they have been a people-pleaser all their life. So, here are certain ways in which you can slowly put boundaries around yourself:
1. Know What You Feel
When someone is entering your space, you should know what you feel. Are you feeling intimidated? Is it overwhelming you? It can also be pleasing if it’s the right person. Know your feeling and understand why you are feeling that way. Once you begin to have certain knowledge of why you feel a certain way, then you can develop a solution as to how you can deal with it and bring a change.
2. Set Boundaries
Whenever you have any conversations, maintain a boundary that you have set in your head. Create a disclaimer for your well-being. Don’t let anybody try to break it. Of course, you can bring about changes when you are with your family, but even that should be written in your mind. Know that it is important to set boundaries for your own good. Center yourself with your own self for your well-being and for your mental and physical health.
3. Be Grateful When Others Keep Their Boundaries
When you are keeping boundaries, you should also be respected when others keep theirs. Before, when you were an unaware people-pleaser, you must have felt rejected when your friends limited the conversation or said no. Now, you can understand why. Respect them and make them your role models as they can show you a lot about how to set up proper boundaries.
4. Say No Without Giving Explanations
Start small, with little rejections but start saying no. Say ‘No Thanks’ when someone is trying to buy you a drink. Don’t give any reasons – you have your own life and you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. Once you start giving reasons, you end up feeling guilty.
5. Make A VIP List
While you want to keep boundaries, it should not be the same for all people. There are very important people in your life with whom you can be free, and with whom you would like to share everything. Keep a VIP list and add their names to it. They are the only people around whom you can relax.
6. Drop Toxic Relationships
If you are friends with people who are toxic and they do not respect your worthiness, it’s time to take a step backwards. First, identify them – are your friends trying to impose their problems on you? Are they making you feel bad about yourself? If your friends are acting that way, it’s time to let go of them. Now, it can be difficult to just break off with people so why don’t you just take a break from them? Walk away, distance yourself and see how you can grow without any toxic influence surrounding you.
7. Make A Mantra About Your Boundaries
If you have been a people-pleaser all your life, then there’s a chance that you will feel strange when you begin saying ‘No’. It will be difficult at first, but stay strong and chant a mantra for yourself. Make it up if you want but make sure you say something like: “I’m setting boundaries to be safe”. Keep chanting till boundaries become natural to you.
8. Get Yourself A Cheerleader
Setting boundaries is a major step and we will need someone to cheer us on in this new expedition. As a people-pleaser, it would be difficult for us to cheer ourselves, so it’s better to designate a close friend or a family member with whom we could share our stories of saying ‘NO’. They will cheer us and make us feel better about ourselves. Cheering always acts as a suitable motivator when we are starting off with something.
9. Believe That Your Life Will Become Different
Don’t always focus on people-pleasing and how it has to be changed by setting boundaries – start understanding why you are setting boundaries and how else it can help you. Maybe it will give you more time to work. It will help you have your drinks at the bar in peace. There are many benefits when you stop your people-pleasing attitude. It will change your life for the better.
Boundaries are necessary – it helps us grow within our world and it makes us feel empowered. In your life journey, it is necessary to make yourself happy too, as much as you want to please others. So make yourself happy by setting the right boundaries.
If you liked the article, share this important advice with your friends and family.